vart kommer kärleken ifrån? / where does the love come from?


Till att börja med så vill jag skicka ett stort tack till alla er som har delat med er av varma och stöttande ord efter att Ruth fick somna in. Vi sörjer fortfarande varendaste dag, men sorgen är inte lika knivskarp och obarmhärtig.

Just nu kretsar tankarna mycket kring Orion. Idag är det bara en vecka tills vi styr bilen mot England för att hämta honom! De senaste dagarna har verkligen flugit förbi. Jag längtar så efter att få träffa honom igen. Senast vi sågs så var han sju veckor gammal, nu blir han femton veckor på tisdag. Kommer intrycket som jag fick av honom i oktober stämma med den lilla pys som vi får ta med oss hem? Eller kommer han att ha utvecklats åt något helt annat håll? Jag har fått några små rapporter från England och allt har varit positivt. Men det är förstås något helt annat att få en hund beskriven för sig, än att själv umgås med den eller att bara sitta och betrakta den.

Jag undrar om han kommer att tycka om mig?

Eller, rättare sagt, jag undrar hur lång tid det kommer ta innan han tycker om mig. Jag tycker att det är underbart, fantastiskt, ljuvligt hur mycket våra hundar tycker om mig. Hur de väljer att vara nära mig inne, hur de kommer och “kollar av” med mig när vi är ute på promenader. Jaja, jag vet att hundarna delvis gör så för att jag är en resurs för dem – det är ju skönt när jag kliar bakom öronen och på promenaden så kanske det kommer en godis ur fickan om en har tur. Men det är mer också. Jag är rätt säker på att hundarna älskar mig, precis som jag älskar dem. Blickarna och de förnöjda ansiktsuttrycken som vi utbyter. Och nu sitter jag och funderar över vart den kärleken kommer ifrån. Hur det gick till. Vad gjorde jag för att förtjäna den kärleken? Aska, som viftar på svansen när jag tittar på henne. Tintin, som skuttar fram till mig i skogen och gör krumsprång av glädje när jag skrattar åt honom. Sirius, som absolut måste sova på samma kudde som jag varenda natt.

Hur kommer det att vara med Orion? Nej, jag är inte ett dugg orolig över att han inte kommer att tycka om mig. Jag undrar bara när det kommer att hända. När vi för första gången utbyter den där blicken.

Hundkärleken har många små byggstenar, tror jag. Närhet, gos, mat, godis, träning, roliga promenader och äventyr. Resurser, alltså. Resurser som ger känslor – trygghet, förväntan, glädje. Och någonstans kärlek.

Ibland kommer den på en gång, som med Ruth. Ibland tar det ett bra tag, som med Tintin. För honom var vi länge bara ett par resursutdelare på två ben. Men sen, helt plötsligt, så såg jag den där kärleksblicken. Jag vet inte om vi hade ändrat något eller om det hade hänt något särskilt. Men kärleken var där.

Hur kommer det att hända med Orion? När, och vart ifrån, kommer den kärleken att komma? Det ska bli så spännande!

To begin with, I want to say thank-you to everyone who has shared such warm and kind words since we lost Ruth.  We are still grieving every day, although the sadness is not quite as sharp and all-consuming.

Right now, my thoughts are full of Orion. Today, it’s only a week until we leave for England to pick him up! The past few days have really flown by. I’m so looking forward to seeing him again. When we parted, he was only seven weeks old, and on Tuesday he turns fifteen weeks old. Will my impression of him from back in October fit with the puppy we will be bringing home? Or will he have developed in a different direction? I’ve had some reports from England, and everything has been positive. But, of course, it’s very different to have a dog described to you, compared to spending time with it yourself, or just observing it.

I wonder if he will like me?

Or, more correctly, I wonder how long it will be before he’ll like me. I think that it’s wonderful how much our dogs like me. How they choose to be close to me indoors, how they keep returning to me on walks to “check up” on things. Yes, yes, I know that the dogs do this because I’m a resource to them – they enjoy when I scratch them behind the ears, and if they’re lucky they might just get a treat from my pocket on the walk. But there’s more. I’m pretty certain that my dogs love me like I love them. I see it in the looks and the pleased expressions that we share. And tonight, I’m pondering on where that love comes from. How it came to be. What did I do to earn that love? Aska, who wags her tail when I look at her. Tintin, who bounces up to me on walks and prances around in delight when I laugh at him. Sirius, who simply has to share my pillow every night.

What will it be like with Orion? Oh, I’m not worried that he won’t like me. I’m just curious when it will happen. When we’ll share that look.

A dog’s love is made from many little pieces, I think. Closeness, cuddles, food, treats, training, walks, and adventures. In other words, resources. Resources that result in feelings – safety, expectations, joy. And, somewhere, somehow, love.

Sometimes, it’s instant, like with Ruth. Sometimes, it takes a while, like with Tintin. For him, we were simply a couple of two-legged resource distributors for a long time. But then, all of a sudden, I saw that look of love in his eyes. I don’t know if we’d changed anything, or if anything unusual had happened. But the love was there.

How will it happen with Orion? When, and where from, will this love appear? I’m so excited to find out!



Fotat av Catt Le Huquet, tack! / Photo by Catt Le Huquet, thanks!


8 Responses

  1. Med min lille “problempelle” (första åren i alla fall, omplac som 7 mån. Amerikansk cocker) tog det tid verkligen. Men…. Vi är där o jag förstår precis vad du menar!
    Bra beskrivning!

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